Fat Woman Walking

If we adults played like very young children, we would probably never get fat, certainly not obese. If we approached physical activity like children do – that is, before the lure of technology and the opposite sex kicks in – we would probably never give up moving our bodies. We would always be in tip-top shape. We would never get up in the morning and groan about having to hit the gym or the great outdoors. We would just jump into our play clothes and shoes and hit the pavement. No drama. It’s all about attitude: children embrace activity – they enjoy playing outside and exploring their surroundings and making new friends. As a child, I wasn’t especially adept at or fond of organized sports – I was never much of a rule lover – but I did spend a lot of time outside, roaming the neighborhood and finding other kids to play with: the Stanislavs, the Crannys, the Behrens, the Bolands, the Hawkins, among others. Freestyling kids don’t select their friends because of commo...

  “Fools are my theme, let satire be my song.” – Lord Byron ______________________________________ Today, I am going to teach you how to build a fat body: 1. Eat whatever you want and in any quantity . Eat until your gut bulges. Dump a load of greasy snacks down your gullet, especially close to bedtime so that the middle of the night morphs into a cauldron of acid indigestion and acid reflux. What fun! 2. Skip meals. Better yet, starve all day, and eat only one large meal a day, and that should be at night, the later the better, lasting until you hit the sheets. Be sure to add some sweet and salty snacks to your food dump. 3. Never exercise. Walk only when you must, for example, shuffling to the fridge or waddling from your car to your favorite fast food place. Better yet, use the drive-through. 4. Make sure that you’re sleep deprived. Four hours a night is quite enough, but I’m sure that you could function with a lot less. Soldier on! Man up! 5. Eat...

The author and her husband before Weight Watchers Mother's Day 2016 ____________________________ After months and months at a standstill, WW Freestyle has started working for me again. This is not a random occurrence, for I have made two significant changes: (1) I have re-evaluated how Freestyle can work for me specifically. For example, I have accepted the fact that some zero foods cannot be zero points for me, such as corn. I have gone back to counting it. Also, I am very careful about how much I use as 0-points food. After three small servings of fruit, I now start counting any additional fruits. I weigh all fish, chicken and beef and limit them to 2-3 ounces at lunch and 4-5 ounces at dinner, less if it’s beef, salmon (or any high fat fish), or ham, then it’s no more than 2/4. I count points for additional ounces of fish and chicken (Except steamed shrimp – I will eat up to six ounces without counting points). Like many people prone to gaining weight, I ha...

Built Bars and Quest Bars _______________________ As someone who must constantly monitor weight, I am always looking for tasty products that can help me to lose and maintain a healthy weight. I have discovered two protein Bars that I like: Built Bars and Quest Bars .  Built Bars: Of the two, I prefer Built Bars, which has a better flavor overall and a real dark chocolate coating. Stats: 3 WW points; 110 calories; 15 grams of protein; 4 grams of fat (2.5 saturated); 6 grams of fiber; 4 grams added sugar (just enough to offer satisfaction for my enormous sweet tooth). Pros : a rich flavor, a substantial size, lower calories and overall fat, and the same stats for all flavors across the board. The bar tastes like a candy bar, a definite plus! I feel full after eating a Built Bar (with a salad or fruit). Built Bars can be a meal replacement or a snack. For consumers with nut allergies: no nuts and manufactured in a nut-free facility. Cons : Some consumers may not...

The author reading excerpts from Fat Woman Walking College English Association, New Orleans, March 2019 ____________________________________ Hey, body, where are you when I need you? Body: You called? Me: Where have you been for the last year? Body: Watching helplessly as you packed on 20 pounds. Me: You have betrayed me. Body: How so? Me: You made me gain weight. (Body laughs.) Me: What’s so funny? Body : You’re delusional. I didn’t feed your face. Me: (Pouty.) I didn’t cheat all that much… Body: How about those three servings of Bananas Foster in New Orleans? Me: That was a special case; I was at a conference, and it was there . Body: And the Jambalaya …  Me: Hey, I only ate one helping of that. Body: If the line hadn’t been so long, you would have gone back for more. You made up for it with the King Cake .  Me: I had only one Sprite and rum. Body: And I commend you for that. My point: when you overfeed me, the foo...