Fat Woman Walking

Unhappy CPAP'er _________________ “I’m backkkk…” Fewer than two months after posting The “Why” and Conversations with My CPAP   …Back on the CPAP. All it took was the Thanksgiving weekend and pretty much unchecked eating for about a week. Seven pounds later and much self-reflection, I have concluded that I was beginning to slip back into the old ways of binge eating, chronic sleepiness, depression, insomnia, and belly bloat. Despite my happy diagnosis of no more Sleep Apnea, I may have shucked the CPAP too soon – a bitter pill to swallow. But it’s better to face this now , and not wait until I have packed on 50 or more pounds, especially when I have the tools to stop it. Looking back, I now realize that the above symptoms were beginning to return shortly after I put away the CPAP, especially the chronic hunger. I just chalked it up to being in Iowa and Washington, D.C., away from my comfortable environment. When I returned home, the symptoms continued, but ...

The Author's CPAP mask as an artifact ________________________________ Without my “Why,” I would probably gain my weight back. My Why had better remain strong and at the forefront of my mind – yes, a healthy obsession – otherwise, I will gain the weight back. Indeed, as I have said in previous chapters, there is no guarantee that I will keep the weight off, despite my Why – it is no accident that I refer to myself as a fat woman walking. I need a constant reminder of why I have undertaken this difficult journey and why I continue on its path, even though it remains tricky – in some ways more treacherous than those heady weekly weight losses. Frankly, it’s not all that exciting to see, every day, the same number register on the scale, except to note that it represents a normal weight. Even in paradise, days normalize and become ordinary with the same-old, same-old daily slog. I remember well when my Why was born, a date that will remain forever etched in memo...