Autumn: In Memoriam (A Nightmare)
I mourn my thin body even before it becomes fat again. Even as my hipbones jut out and my knees knock together, I think about the body that could have been, although it still is. Because, deep down, I know where the scale is headed. The old too-full gut returns, stomach a small rounded ball, jutting out. The acid reflux jerking me out of my sleep. The daily walk becoming a slipshod and haphazard occurrence, the lack of energy and puffy eyes the re-new normal. The daily naps on the sofa in front of the TV, the late-night prowl in front of the refrigerator and pantry, the junk food runs. Ennui and heaviness. The groaning jeans or shorts. Yes, all too familiar. How do I break this cycle of yo-yoing?