Prologue

Prologue

I am a fat woman in a thin body.

I am a thin woman in a fat body.

I am a fat girl in a thin body.

I am a thin girl in a fat body.

Fat girl, fat woman –

Fat woman, thin girl –

Thin girl, fat woman –

Fat woman, fat girl –

Fat girl, thin woman –

Thin woman, fat girl –

Fat girl, fat woman –

Fat woman, fat girl –

Fat girl, thin girl –

Thin girl, fat girl –

Fat girl, fat woman...

Around and around

I go,

Not-so-merry-go-round.

Fat is my truth,

Consuming above all.

Two tales, one body,

One body, two tales.

Two bodies?

Thin narrates a sudden lie,

Fat an epic truth,

*A Tale of Two Bodies*

Another truth:

Fat, I am shamed;

Thin, I am raw.

A bared secret:

I turn to fat,

In a flash;

I dwell in fat.

I have journeyed to thin –

A distant land,

A short sojourn.

I am a fat woman walking.

I am a thin girl running.


*

Friday, August 4, 2017

Autumn: In Memoriam (A Nightmare)


I mourn my thin body even before it becomes fat again.
Even as my hipbones jut out and my knees knock together, I think about the body that could have been, although it still is.
Because, deep down, I know where the scale is headed.
The old too-full gut returns, stomach a small rounded ball, jutting out.
The acid reflux jerking me out of my sleep.
The daily walk becoming a slipshod and haphazard occurrence, the lack of energy and puffy eyes the re-new normal.
The daily naps on the sofa in front of the TV, the late-night prowl in front of the refrigerator and pantry, the junk food runs.
Ennui and heaviness.
The groaning jeans or shorts.
Yes, all too familiar.
How do I break this cycle of yo-yoing?

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